Fleeing Boredom

We watched a movie the other night called “The Visitor” about an economics professor who is a widower whose life has fallen into a very hopeless rut. His life intersects with this foreign couple who are very creative and musical, but who are also illegal aliens living in our country. I won’ go into all of the specifics of everything, but there is one scene where he is getting to know this woman who is the mother of one of the illegal immigrants and he is having dinner with her. The conversation is going pretty well until it turns to the ominous subject of what he does for a living. He describes his life as very boring. He has been teaching the same course for the past twenty years and he doesn’t really work hard at what he does, but instead keeps himself “busy” with stuff that doesn’t really matter. Because he has been doing this for so long, he doesn’t have to put the same effort he once did in, and he can pretty much do the same task in his sleep.

As I was watching this, I really felt bad for the character, because I saw myself in his shoes, going through the motions, doing busy tasks without any real purpose, being lazy and not really being passionate about what I am doing. I am fearful of this and it brought me to a prayer yesterday morning, where I asked God to rescue me from the futile existence of boredom and meaninglessness. In a day where I consume myself with schedules and to do lists, it is easy to lose passion and focus, and I have to dig deep every day and week, so that I don’t become just another person struggling to find happiness in what I do and what my life is about. Boredom is one of my greatest temptations and has led me astray in the past, and it is overcoming me even as I write th...

(Ecclesiastes 2:22-25) “What has a man from all of the toil and striving of heart with which he toils beneath the sun? For all his days are full of sorrow and his work is a vexation. Even in the night his heart does not rest. This also is vanity. There is nothing better for a person than that he should eat and drink and find enjoyment in his toil. This also, I saw, is from the hand of God, for apart from him who can eat or who can have enjoyment?”

Life with Arms Wide Open

As anyone who might actually be reading this knows, we just had the privilege of seeing our newest child enter the world. For those of us who have experienced this in their own lives, I know that the joy of this moment for us resonates with you in a way that it can’t unless you have been there. There is a feeling that comes from deep within you that cannot be explained in any other terms than “Wow!” It is a crescendo of sheer amazement that something that is a part of you (I mean this in more than just the sheer biology of the event) is now a part of someone else and they are in the world as the result of something beautiful that you and your marriage partner exulted in experiencing.

Of course, not all of this comes out in sentence structures and paragraphs when you are going through it, but I mean to say that all of those realities come to converge in one moment that defies human understanding. As I see Avery Bennett for the first time, there is something about seeing this person I have cried over and prayed over and thought over and worked towards and co-created (as God entrusted Adam to do with Eve not in an absolute sense of “creation ex nihilo”), that makes me want to be a better man (in somewhat of the same sense that Helen Hunt makes Jack Nicholson want to be a better man in “As Good As it Gets”).

In seeing him the past couple of days, I can already imagine (as I have with all of my kids) that there is no life fulfilling outside of their existence. This is not to make an idol of my kids (as I am certain this is possible), but to say that they add a dimension to my life that will forever alter me. As each child has entered our lives, it forever changes the dynamic of our family and I believe that this is at the essence of what community is all about. As God said to Himself (or His selves), “it is not good for man to be alone” and so he created Eve to be a human being that brought companionship to another human being, so it is with humanity that we do find real meaning in the relationships of life, and although I don’t go forward with a naïve expectation of unimpeded bliss, I do believe that Avery will bring me and Melissa and my other children and (hopefully) many others great cause to rejoice. In a few weeks, we will as a community affirm this collective hope for him in baptizing him into the body of Christ and this (as his birth has already) will stand amidst a handful of grand moments that seek to celebrate the gift of life that God has given us in this place called earth.

Wondering What to Do Next

Many times in the course of a week, I wonder if I am on the right track with what I am doing in life. I am someone who questions a lot. I question my family, my friends, my work, my career, my God, my faith, and my self. Specifically, though, my questions are having more to do with my kids these days, because they are growing and developing in ways I cannot fathom, and my love for them is becoming stronger and deeper, and I am falling in love with them all over again in different ways.

So, my questions predominately center around how to lead them in a way that will bring them happiness and bring their world good. This, in short, has to do with parenting and it is really hard, and I admit I do not have many if any answers. In fact, the older I get the more frustrating are those who talk as if they have mastered how to bring up their kids right.

Why this is so vividly fixated in my mind could have something to do with the fact that my realm of responsibility in terms of fatherhood will expand in less than a couple of days when my wife delivers a new boy to our family. I can barely imagine the joy, fear, and anxiety that will surround me during those moments, but I know that on a daily basis I feel the joy, fear, and anxiety of parenting the three kids I already have in the world and it is exhausting.

Yeah, I know most families have these roles and they are just part of life, but most people seem to be really bad at fulfilling these roles for the good of their children, and I am afraid that when the smoke settles and the band goes home that my kids won’t just like me, but they won’t like themselves, or they won’t like each other (as is the case in my and most families I know), or they won’t like the God I have tried to show them, etc. I am fearful of this and I am afraid that the terrible shortcomings I have had as a parent and as a husband will follow my children all of the days of their life (instead of goodness and mercy).

On the eve of what looks to be like one of the greatest moments of my life, I have begun the day meditating on part of a Scripture that tells me to be “sober minded”, and I am trying to anticipate this moment of new life with a clear reflection on where I have been and what I need to be in order to help my family not be consumed with themselves. This is sure to be a great moment in our life, as well as a great challenge, and I hope I am up for it…

A Rant of Hope? Maybe...

Life is often a struggle. This will come as no surprise to anyone who reads this. In fact, if you are reading it, you are certainly struggling yourself in weathering the storm of my words. The reason I begin with this is that life has been exceptionally difficult this week. It seems that much has converged in one grand moment and I am feeling the massive emotions that come with those waves of difficulty.

One such problem occurred this week when a client I was assigned to at my job was scheduled to go to the next phase of the ministry and because of a policy change in the middle of things he went and then was subsequently dismissed from the program…not for something he did, but for something we did as an organization. I was very frustrated when I first learned about this and it tobogganed into an enormous situation in which I went to bat for someone and it proved to be futile and fruitless. This, to me, was tantamount to the way a basketball player would feel if the referee stopped the game in the middle of the fourth quarter and said, “Sorry, guys, we are going to change our rules from 5-fouls-gets-you-out-of-the-game to 4 fouls. So, you three guys who have four fouls, you go ahead and sit out the rest of the game.” This would obviously not happen, because the NCAA (or whoever) would realize that you wait until the season - or at least the game – is over. In other words, these decisions to end this client’s program were the result of a new policy change in the middle of his process of recovery.

To make matters worst, there has been a barrage of people telling me short clichés like, “God is in control,” or “God is on the throne”. Now, don’t misunderstand me. I am not unaware of God’s rightful place in the universe or where he is in terms of having a handle on things. My concern was really how we were acting. My thoughts had to do more with our handling of the details. Certainly God is a redeemer and he can take what is broken and make it right, but to utter this cliché as if it makes things which have been done arguably wrong okay or appropriate is disappointing, to say the least.

For someone to say this would be similar to the mechanic hovered over my broken automobile that obviously needs fixing in some way saying to me, “Friend, don’t worry; God is in control.” Oh, ok, then I’ll just drive it out of here. Oh, wait, I don’t guess saying that really makes anything better. What does that even mean? Of course, to some degree all followers of Christ believe this and there has to be some measure of trust in Him for what we do, and if I didn’t have some hope that He is involved in things then I wouldn’t be able to sleep at night. But, to hurl clichés at people in the midst of frustration is like my throwing my cat a can of cat food along with a can opener. The essence of what I have given him is centrally good for him, but he is unable to get to it and incapable of receiving it in a way that would benefit him. When people are going through frustration it is possible to talk to them in a way that helps them without giving them a contrived, churchy answer that says, “Hey, I get it; you don’t; so, let me help you.”

This has been difficult mostly because I have invested a lot of time, energy, prayers, and effort into this individual, and I have also made promises to him that I (we) have decided not to keep for the sake of what is safe. I feel horrible and I am really pissed off because I long to help these men who are struggling with these areas, but feel my hands tied often because of bureaucratic red tape that seems to be more concerned with preservation of self than preservation of others. I am sure that in this rant there is anger that is unjustified and exaggerated and not well-founded, and I know that the individuals who made these decisions (some if not most at least) are trying to love Christ. But, for now, it seems as if my feelings of frustration will not be pacified and I will just have to believe and hope all things. I love those with whom I work (my peers and clients) and those for whom I work (my “bigs” for those who have seen “Role Models”), but I get really worn out doing this job frequently, because I don’t see things carried out for the best of the individual in the way I perceive things. I understand for those who may read this that my own perspective is skewed and tainted with self, so I am not suggesting that the world begins to all of a sudden see things from my vantage point (what a hellish place that would be). But, I am confessing that I can only see things the way I see things and sometimes my mind deceives me into thinking others are really evil and I am really righteous, and in this situation it is no different.

I do believe God will help me get through this, as well as the one involved, but I am anxious about the way we got to this point and I hope that God will help my attitude in the days ahead, as my words can get in the way of what God wants to do.

An Open Letter to My Son, Avery Bennett Grizzard

Dear Avery Bennett Grizzard,

From the moment we first discovered your upcoming arrival, we were surprised. That surprise soon grew into anticipation and that anticipation soon grew into love and that love – so mysterious and remarkable in that we have never met you and yet so natural as if you have always been with us – soon developed into joy. That joy has fought through some tears of difficulty, as we were never certain of your full arrival, but it is a joy that God has given to us even in the midst of doubt, believing and hoping all things for you.

In hoping all things for you, as your father it is not easy for me to admit to you that I will often times get in the way of what God dreams you to be. In fact, what I want will at points contradict what he wants, but I am still hopeful that His love will not fail you. I am persuaded that neither height nor depth nor life nor death, nor angels, nor things present, nor things to come, nor any other person shall separate you from the love of God that you will find in Jesus the Christ who has given His life for you.

As I write this to you, the weeks are turning into days and the days will soon turn into minutes leading up to the moment of unspeakable joy when you arrive. I know that these are some of the most treasured moments of your and my life, as soon the minutes will turn into days and the days will turn into weeks and the weeks will turn into years, and you will one day be sitting to write words to your new child. But, today let us celebrate your coming as a grand event of God’s creation, because you are truly remarkable and I cannot wait to begin the journey of getting to know you.

Your family, the Grizzard’s, are eagerly awaiting your arrival, also. In fact, your mother is feeling the actual pain of that anticipation as she is taking care of you now. Many nights she has asked me to touch her belly so I could feel your movement. Life will go on at some point and I will not always be this concerned with the details of your being, but I treasure it for now, because God has given me you in this moment of my life.

Your mother has worked hard to make sure everything is ready for your entry into the world, and it has not been easy, but she has persevered with great hope that you will be comfortable in your new home. She has also asked your brother and sisters to be ready to help you their little brother grow and learn. In fact, J.T. early on took his responsibility of being the big brother very seriously, and even lamented that he would be the only one to teach you everything. I laughingly assured him that we would certainly help.

Your sisters Alyssa and Alexis are also very excited about your being here. Alyssa has asked if she can be in the room when you come out, but we are still not sure if this is a good idea, but we love her enthusiasm for your arrival. Alexis often asks a lot of questions about your coming here, even ones we are not yet ready to answer. She is always the curious one and you will enjoy meeting her and will never fail to have something to talk about with her. Alyssa will also be a joy to get to know, because she is always very full of energy and a desire to have fun, sometimes without necessarily thinking through the consequences of that fun. J.T. will also be a delight for you to grow up with, as he has a really witty sense of humor, and will sacrifice much for getting friends to smile.

Avery, I really think you will enjoy your new journey with us, although we (most especially I) have many imperfections and you will soon see these. But, we love you and we are confident that our extended family The River will love you, as well.

As you make final preparations over the next few days to leave mommy, so you can see all of us, remember that we love you now and will always be part of you no matter where you go. Our love for you is only exceeded by our hope that you will come to meet Jesus, as He is the One who is the Song of Creation and he makes all of life worth living. Avery, as your name means “nobility” or “wise counselor”, we are comforted in knowing that your nobility will be tied to your relationship with Jesus the Christ, and your wisdom will come from above, as you learn to submit yourself to Jesus and to those who love you. Now, as we await your birth, we commit you to the One’s feet under whom are all things. And it is with this faith, we long with hope and joy and peace to know you as God’s gift of creation to us. As he gives to us, we now give back to Him you and begin the steps of this new adventure of yours called life. See you soon!

Your Father,

Jason Timothy Grizzard

An Excerpt from Doug Pagitt

There is a great excerpt from Doug Pagitt’s new book, A Christianity Worth Believing, on Emergent Village’s website. It is a simple and yet profound article filled with New Creation jargon that will be familiar with many who are Emerging, but it really accentuates the significance of the story of Jesus as God’s way to clean up the mess of the world through us, His Body/Community. Enjoy! The excerpt is below:

"Living in Partnership with Our Creator"

(By Doug Pagitt an exclusive excerpt from the bookA Christianity Worth Believing(now available in paperback): )

The story of Jesus unfolds in the midst of personal and collective struggle. The story of Jesus is surrounded by the death of individuals and communities, by the constant stirring of war. For the Jews in particular, the first century was a volatile, violent time. The Jews were literally fighting to save their culture and their faith. The Old Testament rumbles with the cry of the Jewish people: "How long, oh Lord?" Their desperation is palpable.

But Jesus was about a different kind of revolution. He was about a revolution from the kingdom of Caesar to the kingdom of God.

Some theologians have dissected all of this by talking about spiritual kingdoms and wars verses earthly kingdoms and wars. They argue that Jesus did bring about a kind of war in which the power of good battles the power of evil and that Christians are to be warriors who fight against the darkness that oppresses us, knowing that one day Jesus will ride out of the sky and defeat the enemy at last. I suppose that's one way of thinking about all of this, but I think there's more to Jesus than a change of metaphor. It seems to me that the way of Jesus is not just to shift the war motif from one kind of war to another but to see Jesus as the ender of war, period. Jesus brought with him the hope that the people would no longer see themselves in the midst of a war but would join with God in the healing of all the world.

Jesus was the new Isaiah who had come to usher in that promise in a particular way. Jesus wasn't bringing some kind of future-based spiritual good news to the poor. He was inviting them into life with God in the present. Jesus healed literal blindness, not just spiritual blindness. His proclamation of the year of the Lord's favor conjured up all the hopes of those who wanted the apocalyptic retribution to come, but the Lord's favor came not through war but through a holy act that conquered death forever.

It seems to me that this is what rescue ought to look like. It doesn't look like more war; it looks like the end of war. The very elements of battle — the boots and blood- stained clothes — become a source of life, of hope.

Jesus was not sent as the selected one to appease the anger of the Greek blood god. Jesus was sent to fulfill the promise of the Hebrew love God by ending human hostility. It was not the anger of God that Jesus came to end but the anger of people.

The story of Jesus Christ, of Joshua the Messiah, is about the healing all of creation. This was God's promise from the start — that people would be God's partners in the world. When Jesus was resurrected from the dead, life won out. The power of God's love for humanity proved stronger than our capacity to hate one another. Jesus' death was about war, about violence, about destruction. But his resurrection was about peace, compassion, renewal. The resurrection is the full picture of God's promise.

The Christian faith finds its center in the story of Jesus not because this is where the problem of God's anger is solved. Jesus is the core of Christianity because it is through Jesus that we see the fullness of God's hopes for the world. Jesus is the redemption of the creation plan. He shows us what it means to live in partnership with our creator. He leads us into what it means to be integrated with God.

Resurrection is not a do-over. We don't move on as though nothing ever happened. Jesus was resurrected with scars. The scars weren't simply a reminder of the past; they were the pathway to the future. They were there because the cause of death had been consumed. The hatred of death had been healed over by the love of God. The resurrection wasn't like a last-minute save by the divine goalkeeper. The scars gave testimony to the power of death. Death gave Jesus its best shot; it laid it all on the line and accomplished it goal. But life overcame death. Love overcame hate. Peace overcame war. The resurrection life needs death to remind us that the call to love our enemy not only means loving in the midst of scars but loving those who cause them. Because, in Jesus, love wins.

(Abridged from A Christianity Worth Believing, chapter 16: "So you want a revolution?" Copyright 2008 by Doug Pagitt, published by Jossey-Bass. Photo by Jack Thielepape. )

A Brief Meditation of What the Scriptures Mean to Me

Last evening we had a very good discussion about the role of Scripture in our lives. There were a lot of very interesting comments and highly challenging questions among the group. As I sat there, taking it all in, I felt very thankful for our community in a couple of very real ways: (a) that it is a place of safety where followers of Christ can echo concerns, doubts, struggles, and thoughts, even if those things may not be what is considered traditional; and (b) that Scripture is such a significant part of our lives that we devote such energy to its discussion, role, and action in our lives.

I am thankful for The River and one of the reasons for my ongoing love for her is the plain fact that its community is struggling to be authentic with not only how she lives, but with what she believes and the real-life implications of what those beliefs are.

Going back to the discussion about the Scriptures for a couple of moments, I began to reflect upon this in my life today and asked myself some basic questions as life occurred. As I was reading the Scriptures this morning, I asked myself the question, “What difference does this make to my life?” As I work with recovering addicts who are in search of rescue from their hellish addictions and insufferable selfishness, I ask myself the question, “What difference does this make to their lives?” And as I am tempted to do wrong on a daily basis and frequently God’s words (yes I did say “God’s words”) come to mind, I do find myself asking again, “Does this make a difference in my life?” My summary is that I can’t imagine a world in which God is acting to renew all of creation and bringing about His kingdom without what has been considered to be such an essential part of the life of God’s people down through the ages. I still see this word as the “Sword of the Spirit” slicing and dicing people who are in need of change, testifying of Jesus, giving people life, rescuing souls, and calling God’s people to join Him in the grand act of recreation.

As I close this, I am reminded of the English pastor Charles H. Spurgeon’s famous quote about the Scriptures. He said that the Bible is like a lion. You don’t defend a lion; you just let him out and let him go and he can defend himself. That may sound really trite to some, but it still resonates with me today, because although much has changed about me and my view of the Bible, the Bible is still very compelling to me, because I still believe that God’s Spirit using it along with God’s People is necessary for true God-produced change.

Tainted Love

It is very disappointing many times to be in the business of changing lives and to have one’s own life in desperate need of changing itself. I talk with guys every day who have come to perhaps the lowest point of their existence and they are more genuine than they have ever been (or possibly will ever be again) in saying, “I need help” or “I need my life to change”. It is very difficult to watch this evolve because change is something thrown around a lot in life, but not too many times do the actions necessary for change actually prove to be long-term. Even if the desirers of change are collective in their commitment it does not mean that it will be any more perpetual.

Take, for example, what the writer of Hosea describes of the nation of Israel being called to repentance (or change) as to what their resolve is like:

“Come, let us return to the LORD; for he has torn us, that he may heal us; he has struck us down, and he will bind us up. After two days he will revive us; on the third day he will raise us up, that we may live before him. Let us know; let us press on to know the LORD; his going out is sure as the dawn; he will come to us as the showers, as the spring rains that water the earth.”

They are very committed in their communication of what the goals are and how they will get there, but their passion, despite its collective strength, is shortly condemned either by God’s prophet or God himself:

“What shall I do with you, O Ephraim? What shall I do with you, O Judah? Your love is like a morning cloud, like the dew that goes early away.” The writer goes on to say, “For I desire steadfast love and not sacrifice, the knowledge of God rather than burnt offerings.”

In other words, it seems that their resolve is criticized because it has no enduring life. It is like a toy my kids may get for Christmas and then by the end of January it is broken and overlooked. When I read this, I felt like I was looking in a mirror of my own life, fraught with goals that never get accomplished and to do lists that never get checked off and dreams that never become realized. My passion for God and people is very enthusiastic at times, but my consistency at actually living this way over the long haul is similar to dew or morning fog: here for a moment and then gone.

This feels very frustrating for me even to say, because I know that as I say this, some may assume I am talking about a specific aspect of my commitment and the truth is I am just confessing about an overall tone of diurnal wrestling that often plagues me as I am struggling to find my way.. This means I am often discontent with where I am, what I am doing, and who is in my life – even those closest to me. I am very aware of this sense of selfishness and dissatisfaction, but it doesn’t make it go away. My longing for God comes and goes at the strangest of places and occasions, though, and I do believe He is trying to help me through this. I have prayed for him to free me from the bitterness of going through rote, religious rituals and empower me to be a steady lover of Him and His Community and His World. I desire for Him to create in me a clean heart and renew a right spirit in me so that I may love Him with a love that is pure and whole and ongoing.

Mr. Mom

Since Melissa is pregnant, I have been trying to help out more around the house. This is not an announcement of my championship as a great husband or father, so please don’t think I am writing this to elicit those kinds of comments or thoughts. My point, rather, is that in doing some of these things, I renew more of my appreciation for her. I am reminded that what she does on a daily basis is different than the kind of work that I do, but it is massively important, and no less trying. In fact, the one thing that I have been reminded of during this time is how much of this gift of motherhood I do not have.

For example, this morning I got up at 6 AM to get the kids off to school, and I quickly discovered that the clothes each of them picked out for school was not appropriate, nor were there socks to accompany their outfits. I tried to be calm at first and began to assist my five year old on a quest to find these especially, and I soon learned that they were in the midst of one of 3 piles of laundry I was supposed to have folded and put up. As I rummaged very patiently through underwear and towels, I felt my patience rapidly decreasing, until my frustration reached an unholy crescendo, and I just emptied all of the clothes into the middle of the living room, which didn’t seem to help. In the meantime, my oldest daughter has barely moved from her perch on the end of the bed, and my other daughter is acting like she is ready, but her hair is not combed, her teeth are not brushed, and her clothes are all over the floor, all at the same time occurring while precious minutes tick off of the clock, and the bus is only five minutes away. After figuring out what to do about my son’s missing socks, and having to thread a belt through impossibly narrow loops on pants, I discover that my oldest daughter has gotten her clothes on, but she, too, doesn’t have socks, nor has she shown any measure of concern for this monumental tragedy. I tell her to look for socks (since initiative seems to have left her this early in the morning), and finally after about three times of nagging, discover that she has one sock half way on, and she is playing with these other socks on her hand. I calmly ask her why she is doing this, in light of not having done any of the things I have asked her to and the fact that the bus is a couple of blocks down the street, and she pauses and looks at her sister and says that her sister “made” her play with these socks. At this moment, I absolutely lose it, fly off the handle, and spank her, and so now she is crying on top of all of the other.

The amazing thing is that thirty minutes ago I felt like I would be able to navigate the morning with no problems at all, with grandiose visions of reading, journaling, praying, and drinking a good cup of coffee in quiet contemplation. Now, as my three out-of-the-womb kids run out of the door, barely catching the bus to school, and my wife rests in the next room with our fourth, I can barely imagine how we have made it thus far, and I can barely imagine how we will manage in the future, as sometimes I feel like a mad man going insane, wanting good things for my kids, but not knowing how to communicate that to them.

Epilogue to the Day: We had a great day at the doctor’s office, and Melissa and I took food to eat on the Black Water River for lunch, and I am about to eat supper with my family. Lexi has done a really good job at folding clothes, Alyssa has surprisingly done a thorough cleaning job in her room, and JT is …well, just JT, running around trying to be the center of attention. As I type this, I feel my eyes getting teary, because as insane as life gets sometimes I have to continue to fight to see the goodness, because I can’t imagine any world where they are not in it. Melissa, Alyssa, Alexis, and JT…and nameless Baby whom I know only through the sound and sight of a heartbeat (but for that reason has already brought me indescribable joy), I love you with all of my heart. I know I fail you many times, but I do love you and am glad you are part of my life.

Come, Let us Reason Together, Christian Right and Left

I received a mass e-mail today about the imminent doom of our country in the light of Obama's possible election. The tenor of the e-mail was essentially to dispel any Christian's doubt that God was in control and to embolden them to pray for John McCain and Sarah Palin during these last days, because it is not over yet and all true believers should not give up hope. The underlying implication of everything that was said in the e-mail is so typical of many of these e-mails I get, with fear being the overarching theme. I have spoken with several people during the past few days (and over the course of this entire election) and that is always the primary feature of their objections against Obama.

I was, of course, tempted to hit "Reply all" and ask them not to send me any more political e-mails, since they assumed we were like-minded, but I decided not to, because my thought is that it would only create an unneeded wall between me and them, which I do not need to occur, since I work with these individuals everyday. Besides all of this, I am really trying to be more patient with people, and God has convinced me lately of my need to be more of a peacemaker. I understand, also, that blogs are generally public, so at times what we write will be misunderstood, taken out of context, or hated by those with whom we disagree, and I do understand these to be understandable inevitabilities of the world in which we live.

Having said all of this, I want to say that I am not against anyone who wants to vote for McCain and Palin. In fact, I do understand why many would vote for these candidates out of a moral obligation and I honestly do respect that (since I have been on this side of the fence and have thought this way before and have been around many like this my whole life). There are many things about McCain that I do like, as I have said in other postings, such as his military service to this country and his position as a US senator. I even respect and support some of his ideas, such as his support of a balanced budget amendment and his support (in light of much "Christian" opposition) of many green and environmentally-friendly policies. Furthermore, I think there is much value in some of the Republican economic policies, because I do think that a free market generally speaking is a good thing (I say this generally, because I think corporate greed and labor hardships bear the necessity for government to guide or direct or intervene). I do agree with his voting positions against abortion, as well.

I say all of that to communicate that I am not speaking without hearing a matter, which I think would contradict my faith in Christ, but am fully aware of the policies of each candidate. I have not been brain-washed by a liberal media, since I am quite certain that there is a massive amount of conservative media out there, as well (check out Fox News, Lou Dobbs and several other shows of CNN, all of talk radio pretty much anywhere, internet sites and videos and propaganda, and church and Christian media if you doubt this). These decisions have come out of a need for our country to be what it was supposed to be- a free society of free thinkers who are not intimidated by doomsday fearmongers, but who live their lives in hope of a better tomorrow. I am a follower of Jesus Christ and I do believe that the Bible is God’s Word for us today and my family is trying to live the way of Christ. And we do have strong, religious beliefs that have not just been handed off to us without scrutiny or examination or thoughtfulness.

My point in this is to say that when I voted for Obama two days ago in the voting booth I voted based on who I thought was better for our country as a whole, and this thought and belief was not absolute, as one would believe in a fundamental teaching, but was very subjective. It was subjective to my thoughts and feelings and understanding and experiences and bias, just as others were voting based on theirs. In other words, I did the best I could with the information I had, and I prayed that God would sanctify what I did for His glory, and I really do believe He will…no matter who wins the election.

This, in essence, is my biggest frustration in this campaign: the failure of the Christian right to acknowledge any possibility of their being wrong and the promotion of their candidate as not just the best choice, but the only choice, and the direct assault on anyone who would think or vote otherwise. In the same vein as the Right I also feel like this election is important and the reasons I have for this are very close to what I feel is the heart of Christ. I could be wrong, but these are my beliefs, and I don’t think I should be demonized or attacked for those, but respected.

I know some will become frantic at this point and question the genuineness of what I am saying, and perhaps even question my faith, because their rationale can only be the right way of looking at things and of course God is on their side. With this I return to the e-mail I got earlier today, because in it were listed moral issues on which McCain and Palin are standing up for and they read like this: “abortion, homosexuality, etc”. I thought “wow” that etc looms really large, because these seem to be the two biggest issues to the Christian right, and they are so minuscule when you consider some of the other ones, such as: American soldiers fighting an endless and profligate war in Iraq, enemy detainees being tortured for the sake of information, innocent civilians being murdered in Afghanistan, poor Americans not being able to get basic health care, our national reputation being besmirched by a unilateral view of things, as opposed to a community mindset, and an incessant ignoring of the global warming crisis (which is now acknowledged internationally and nationally by a majority of scientists and is fully a biblical mandate from Genesis 2 to take care of the earth/garden).

My mention of these issues doesn’t mean that they are the only ones, but they do loom large on the horizon of the days ahead. Let me make two clarifying comments about the two issues mentioned above, however. I believe abortion is not God’s best or his plan and I believe that we should fight against it, as well as the environment that makes this decision easier. I don’t say this to excuse those who make the decision to abort any more than one’s suggestion to examine a city’s high crime rate makes way for justification of the criminals. When something goes awry, we should seek to understand why it happens, so that we can understand ways to fix it or at least reduce it. I do not believe the Republicans have done much in the way of helping the pro-life movement with regards to the number of abortions and I think that statistics accentuate this argument, and my vote reflects my belief that Obama will. I know many Christians disagree with this, and that is perfectly fine, but understand that I am aware of the issues and I have made this decision as a way (not THE ONLY way) to communicate my beliefs against abortion. Calling me stupid or even ignorant won’t accomplish what you are probably praying for: for me to see the light and for Christ to save me from my liberal mind-set.

Finally, I believe that marriage was ordained by God to be between a man and a woman. I also believe that ideally (I say ideally because I have not been true to this ideal myself) sex should be during and not before one gets married to their partner. Those who choose not to live under these two moral and Christian convictions I should still love and seek to connect to Jesus Christ. Passing a law to keep them adherent to my Christian belief doesn’t seem to be fully consistent with the whole separation of church and state concept although I am sure I could be incorrect in my assessment. I do, also, think that we should love our homosexual brothers and sisters and being in favor of their civil rights (such as insurance benefits and rights to visit one another in hospitals) is just exactly that- civil and humane and (I think) Christ-honoring. Why should this one area of morality be legislated, though, and not others? This, as well as many other issues, seems to miss the point of Christianity, which is not about a list of rules and regulations, but an interactive relationship with Christ in which we are inviting (not mandating) others to become a part of his rule.

I am sure that these words are not perfect and I am sure that my reasoning misses the point or even perhaps skews some of the bigger issues, but these thoughts are from someone who is trying to find the way of Christ in my own life, as well as my family’s life. Before someone sprints to conclusions, what I mean by that is that there is a sense in which Christ has rescued me from my sin and selfishness by his death and resurrection, but there is another sense in which I am continuing to be rescued from sin and selfishness and pride and a sense of having all the answers. The world in which we live is not only very difficult, but it is very complicated, and its problems complex. I wish that issues and problems we face were more cut and dry, but I don’t believe they are. My prayer is that what has been said and voted for, however, will be done not in fear for what some other candidate will or won’t do, but for hope that this is our Father’s world and He is sovereign in its affairs, as his work in King Cyrus and King Nebuchadnezzar bears out. And if Obama is the Anti-Christ (I have to laugh here), then most right-wing Christians should be glad, because they allegedly won’t be here to deal with all of his devastation, but will be raptured away to heaven. If so, then please pray for me that I will not take the mark of the beast. But, in the meantime, make sure we are fulfilling 1Timothy 2 in praying for our president and leaders no matter who they are. My name is Jason Grizzard and I approved this message.

Why I Will Vote for Obama

I must admit my patience is beginning to wean a bit with right-wing, Christian conservatism. If anyone is confused about how I could be frustrated at such a movement, then please feel free to read the article about the Christian Right attacking Obama: Christian right steps up attacks on Obama - Barack Obama News- msnbc.com.

I will vote for Obama this year not as the less of two evils, or not because I am trying to do the opposite of what many followers of Christ (I no longer say most, because I believe there are a lot of progressive, young thinkers who will actually read and stay current on what is going on enough to be able to decipher through all of the Christian, Rush Limbaugh garbage) do. But, I will vote for Obama this year as a way of expressing how pissed off I am at the incessant failings of the Republican ideologies and how short the rants against abortion and homosexual marriage have fallen.

For example, any intelligently informed individual can see that the Republicans have failed to lead the way in social justice in our country. As a chaplain to many homeless, I am infuriated at the notion that all or most of homeless people are lazy or stupid. I listen to their stories everyday and it begins to frustrate me when people make mindless comments about them or those who are supported by government benefits. I am sorry if a person who grows up in generational poverty is tempted with crack and marijuana when they are 12 and don’t have the decisiveness to say no, and become a product of the system that we all hate. I guess we should just shut off all of the benefits to these people and say, “Get with it”, just like we allegedly had to. I think it is a moral crisis for the Christians in our country to be pissed off at our welfare program not doing enough to make people work, when they are not doing enough to offset it with programs and generosity to aid people. I think many of the so-called bible belt of the US has become enamored with its diamond belt buckle and pretty much ignored the poor who live right under their noses. Why is it that the prophets of the Hebrew Scriptures and Jesus Christ Himself spoke more about greed and selfishness and oppression of the poor than they did anything else? Perhaps it is because God is concerned about social justice, but when Republicans talk about things like this, their concern is never helping and relieving the plight of the poor; it is only griping about how the poor has received too much from the government. This brings me to my next point.

Abortion in this nation is an epidemic that I don’t believe anyone in this country wants, even the so-called Anti-Christ Obama. Despite what misinformation circulates about this issue regarding this (and I have read quite a bit), Obama is against partial-birth abortions and late-term abortions, which I think we can all agree morally are clearly wrong. The exception he makes is an exception I would make which is if the life of the mother is in danger. What is constructive, however, is an open conversation about solutions to reduce the number of abortions, since in many cases this is not black and white. One conservative blogger wrote the other day that this would be a ridiculous proposal, and compared this issue with that of slavery. He surmised how absurd it would have been if people in favor of abolishing slavery would have cooperated those who were only interested in reducing the number of slaves. Really? Comparing a not fully developed human living inside of his or her mother with the value of a life outside of the womb? This doesn’t seem to be congruent with what people really think, unless we really do believe it is the exact same thing as murdering a fully developed person and a mother who commits an abortion should either be put to death through lethal injection or live out the entirety of her life in prison, regardless of whether she was raped by a family member or not. I don’t mean to say that I don’t think abortion is unimportant, because I profoundly do, but I think this issue has been clouded by an either-or polarization from the right and the left, but it does seem that many on the left are at least willing to talk about dealing with some of the symptoms that lead to abortions, which ironically would be poverty and poor education. The Republicans are very concerned with providing good vouchers for our middle-class families to be able to go to good schools while at the same time saying “to hell with the public school system”. What would be good is if we came to the agreement that we want to eliminate national poverty (as well as global) and improve our school systems. That is not to say we want to teach Christianity (or at least our form of it) in the public school system, but to say we want to provide our kids with the best and most fully comprehensive education available to them in today’s world, as well as talking to them about alternatives to unprotected sex (abstinence, yes, but contraceptives also). This also brings up another issue: health care.

When are we going to get past the rhetoric of “socialized medicine” and realize that all human beings (even children of dead-beat parents) deserve to have good health care? Never mind that they will take it for granted or not be grateful; they should have that opportunity as image-bearers of God. Did not Jesus heal people medically who were ungrateful (remember the story of the 10 lepers)? I think it is a tragedy that 46 million people in the richest country in the world do not have health care. Many of those are not poor enough to qualify for Medicaid, but they don’t make enough to purchase good insurance. Even many who have insurance possess deductibles that are out of the roof financially and may only receive benefits if they incur a sickness that exceeds $10,000.00 or greater. And the reason this is connected to the abortion issue is that the number 1 reason why women get abortions is that they can’t afford to raise another kid.

Forgive me for seeming to be irritated, but the Christians who are attacking Obama have really worn me out. It would be nice if Christians would hold to the model in Romans 14 and truly vote their conscience while at the same time believing that it is possible for others who vote their conscience to disagree with them. Sadly, instead those who are not married to their right-wing, ultra-conservative, this-is-the-only-way-to-look-at-this, perspective are demonized by the right and made out to be unchristian. It would be nice if there was actually a country where people can respectfully disagree instead of being so alarmist about everything by painting the other candidate as the anti-Christ. I know there are those who will read this perhaps and look past all of what I have actually said and make assumptions that I have been deceived by the so-called “liberal media”, and that is fine for anyone to think that. But I can say the same thing about the mass conservative media that still controls and circulates throughout this country on websites and through e-mails and sadly even through some pulpits in churches. I would say that this bias is what many believers are locked into, and no matter how many times I refute plainly erroneous accusations from right-wing conspirators, they don’t say, “thanks for clearing that up”. They only go on to the next line of attack. I thought followers of Christ were supposed to be “lovers of the truth”, and yet we have abandoned the truth for the sake of supporting our own candidate.

Finally, let me say a couple of things to clarify. I do not think McCain is the devil on the converse of everything else. In fact, there are quite a few things I do like about McCain. Quite frankly the biggest problem I have with McCain is his “more of the same” perspective that ironically is connected in many ways with George W., who I admit I voted for, but who I think made some monumental judgment calls and it has cost us dearly. I believe that we do need someone with new ideas, and I believe Obama is that person. I don’t have an idealistic, pie-in-the-sky, belief that he is going to fix it all, nor do I think he will be THE ANSWER to all of our problems. I do not agree with all that he says, and he is a man who will make mistakes, but I believe he will lead us generally in the right direction. There is much more I could say about all of this, but I will rest my keyboard for now.

Speaking to Joy

Yesterday a mom of one of our program men showed up at the mission, having just flown in from Albuquerque, NM. She asked to speak with a chaplain and I was the only one available so I accommodated her. Her son is only about 21 and he has been in and out of rehab programs since he was about 17. She was scheduled to visit with him on Sunday here at the mission and so she asked me what should she say to him during their time together to help him or to encourage him to continue the recovery process.

I was at an advantage in this, because I am his assigned “counselor” and so I was very familiar with her son’s issues and progress in the program. To be brutally honest, he has not shown much passion and desire to change, and I have possibly in a premature way considered him another casualty of not recovering. Notwithstanding, I listened to a mother who about half way through the conversation began to break down and sob, lamenting all of the failed efforts they had made, as well as other drug programs he had dropped out of and then subsequently had gone back to the drugs.

Many times when people come to me for “counsel” I want almost to laugh (although that would not seem to be appropriate in this or other circumstances), because in many cases I don’t know what to say. What do you tell a 40-something year old mom who is crying over her lazy, self-consumed 21-year old drug addict, whom you believe is not going to make it, and to her this seems like their last hope? There is no amount of training or specified qualification that can prepare you for a moment in time like this one. I am sure, in some sense of the word at least, it is like Jesus’ preparing the disciples to face persecution as they taught and preached to the Jews. He told them, “When they deliver you over, do not be anxious how you are to speak or what you are to say, for what you are to say will be given to you in that hour. For it is not you who speak, but the Spirit of your Father speaking through you.”

As you read this, I don’t want you to understand that I am saying each and every time I speak to someone in this ministry it is God speaking through me. I am emphatically not saying this, because a lot of - no probably most of the time - I reflect and think back and wonder how I could be so stupid or lame to have said what I said. There are times, in spite of this reality however, when it does seem that either God speaks through us or He, at very minimum, redeems what we say through the Spirit of Christ. This certainly does not abrogate our responsibility to think and to prepare (that is adamantly not the tone of this passage), but it does give each of us some encouragement to walk on even when we can’t many times see our way or have a clue what is going on. It is not like we can call a time out in the middle of these situations and phone a friend or look up what to say in a book.

I am not confident of many things these days, but I am growing more certain that in the days to come, our lives will be filled with much more complexity and uncertainty and questions. Although this is the case, I somehow have hope that the community of Christ will get through all of it, saying and doing the right thing, not because we are really smart or really good, but because the peace of Christ is ruling in our hearts and will come through in us and by us as we struggle along. And knowing this gives me great confidence and hope to pray for this young man’s mom, who ironically is called “Joy”. And, as she meets with him tomorrow afternoon, I hope she can find the words to say, or maybe she won’t need words at all. Maybe just her being there and affirming her love for him will be enough to help him complete the journey. I sure hope so, because I could not imagine what I would say to my son if the tables were turned.

It's the Economy, Stupid

I am not sure how many of you have been following the presidential election, but it is winding down to the last few weeks before voting takes place for the new president of the United States. Whatever one's political views, I believe this election is one of the most important in the history of our nation, and I think the future health of our nation and our place in the world will largely hinge on the values and decisions of the upcoming leader of the free world.

There are, of course, various issues at stake, none of which are small or insignificant: the ongoing war in Iraq and Afghanistan, the mounting tensions with Iran and North Korea, the Israeli-Palestinian conflict, the genocide that continues to spread in Africa (as well as the pestilence of AIDS), the need for stunting the spread of global warming, the pandemic of abortions in America, the ever-growing national debt we have to other nations, and the list goes on and on.

One of the presidential slogans from a few years ago that found resonance with many voters was the catch phrase, "It's the Economy, Stupid", and this common ground brought the presidency to Bill Clinton. While there are many things to debate about, this seems to be at least one of the most important in this upcoming election. I am no economist, for sure, but it seems that we are in terrible financial shape as a nation. Republicans seem very reluctant to admit this, so that this will not seem to reflect anything that they are responsible for, but come on. Is it not obvious with the current mortgage crisis, gas prices being historically high, job loss being tremendous, the collapse of Wall Street, and again the list goes on and on.

As I have followed this election, I have come to believe more and more that something has gone awry with the American Dream and something seems to be disoriented in this smooth running machine called the free market. There is as large of a gap between the rich and the poor as there has ever been in our country, as well, and this doesn't seem to fit much of what Christ is for. As I was pondering this morning the bail-out on Wall Street, I ran across this video on the Sojourners site, and I strongly recommend it to anyone who has suspicions about our current financial morass being tied to moral issues, rather than just political ones. I would love to hear your feedback on this. The link is http://www.pbs.org/wnet/religionandethics/blog/2008/09/jim-wallis-financial-crisis-ha.html

A Prayer for a Friend

For a couple of months now I have been teaching this class at the mission on how to quit smoking. I was not very excited about doing it to start with, but since having begun I have become more passionate about it, and the great thing is that there have been at least 3 guys who have completely quit smoking for at least 5 weeks, which is a huge accomplishment for them. Last night we started a new class with 9 guys attending and 8 of them committing to go the journey of quitting. One of the group exercises we did was for the men to list all of the main reasons they wanted to stop smoking. Of course there were things like money, health, hygiene, etc, but the one that stood out to me above all of the rest was freedom, and once it was said by someone in the room, several of the men connected with that reason in a very moving way.

Because of my job as a chaplain working with homeless people and drug addicts, this concept of freedom is very near to the heart of so many men I come into contact with, and yet it seems so elusive to countless numbers of those who find themselves tied to addiction. It is especially painful sometimes in dealing with these persons, because they are real people with real problems and real families and real friends who love them, but are continually hurt by their addictions.

As the Smoking Class was winding down, one of the attendees asked me somewhat of a random question: if I had ever had high expectations for someone in the program and then they highly disappointed me by not finishing or going back to addiction. My first thought was to say, “Holy cow, there have been so many; how could I not be disappointed working in a ministry like this, where recovery rates are very low across the board? But, it was a genuine question, and I did try to answer it, and of course, the answer was a resounding “yes”.

Later on, as I drove home, I resisted the urge to turn on the radio and just felt the silence of the night at about 9:30. On a lot of nights when I typically do this, I scan the streets for former men in our program that left or were dismissed. One in particular on my heart this night was not just a program man; he was someone I considered a friend. His name is Dino and as I scanned the streets this night my eyes would fill with tears, because my heart breaks for this man whom I desire to be free from the hell of addiction and loneliness he is in. Tonight is a night I would pray for him and cry for him and long for Christ to bring freedom to his bondage and brokenness and suffering.

Reviving the Rook Bird

I’m sitting here at the computer, having had trouble getting to sleep, because I have this sporadic, hacking cough that becomes violent and makes me feel like an old man dying of tuberculosis (without the blood, though). Anyway, since I haven’t been able to sleep, I have had a few moments to reflect on our community meal this evening at our house. After a long, busy day, getting together with other people doesn’t always top the list of priorities or joys for some, but tonight it was really good, because I had the opportunity to be around some of the greatest people in the entire world, my spiritual family The River!

What made it especially great tonight was a few of us played a game that I haven’t played since Melissa and I were dating: the card game Rook (which, if you're wondering has a black bird card for those who didn't get the title). It took me back to a time and place from a long time ago. It brought back some old memories of where I used to work a ton of hours and not a lot of pay (as you can see, not a lot has changed). But, in reflection the memories were filled with hardship, but also good times, mainly because of good friends like Sam and Samantha Crum. I remember Sam and I sitting in the break room playing the game of Rook with these guys who were not very smart and also not very good at playing cards (please forgive me if you are one of those persons now reading this). It is hard to believe that after all these years (I think about 12 years now) that our families are still friends and we are together as part of the greatest endeavor in the universe, the kingdom of Jesus Christ!

The most awesome thing about this now is that our stories have evolved and expanded and there are so many more awesome people that are a part of our lives now, and that is remarkable in a wonderful way. God is so awesome to have given The Crums to our family more than a decade ago, but is even more awesome to have forged our paths again in this dream called The River! I really am glad that we are here in Florida, not because of the beautiful gulf coast region (although that doesn’t hurt), but because of the beautiful people we have met as a part of The River! We are still getting to know many of you, but Melissa and I are excited about the journey, because you’re on it with us. Thank you for being who you are!

One final note: I said all of this mushy stuff, so that we can get some guys (or girls) to start learning how to play Rook…for the kingdom, of course. Just kidding, but do this anyway.

Conservative Talk Show Hosts Make Me Nauseous

Sometimes as I am riding in my mini-van I will do something really dangerous- turn on talk radio. I say dangerous, because often times I will just become enraged at some of the absolutist, my way or the highway, everybody-else-is-stupid, everybody-who-doesn’t-agree-with-me-is-either-brain-washed-or-ignorant, politically conservative, right-wing, rhetoric that I hear. It is amazing that I continue to do this frequently, because there seems to be no actual benefit to this activity, only sheer frustration.

I say frustration, though, not because I am a liberal person (or at least in the traditionalist sense of the word). In fact, I grew up in a very conservative family, and my dad was a classic Reagan supporter who used to champion Reaganomics at family get-togethers. In fact, I remember on more than one occasion his being in the center of a crowded debate with other family members over the evils and skewed philosophies of unions. My dad grew up as the son of a farmer, and started his own business, and still is probably the hardest worker I have ever known, a classic workaholic and consummate perfectionist. I say all of this, because I have grown to see things slightly different than him, although I still have tremendous respect for him and I do understand many of his ideologies. My frustration, then, does not stem from a misunderstanding of conservative politics; it is frustration from rhetoric that seeks to defeat opponents rather than understand those with whom we disagree.

This conventional debate tactic rages in many over-the-top statements made by radio talk show hosts that resonate with other ultra-conservatives who listen, but rather polarize those who would dare to defy their logic. For example, one of the key arguments hurled forth by these media moguls are similar to the following: “Liberals love big government, and they think that government is the answer to all problems.” Is this really a true statement? I have met a lot of so-called liberals and many of them are very similar to conservatives in their belief in hard-work, their independence, and their commitment to family values. Certainly there are extremes in this realm, but for the most part, liberals are filled with moderates who value many of the same things conservatives do, but see government failing in many areas that it should be helping with, like in the area of social justice. Conservatives, on the other hand, are also filled with moderates who value many of the same things liberals do, but see government as having too much involvement in their lives. Is there really a right or wrong answer in this never-ending debate?

Certainly, there seems to be no final resolution and Republicans and Democrats will undoubtedly go on persisting in the polemics of “Big Government versus Small Government” for the rest of time. I believe there is value from both sides.

For instance, government is necessary for the basic protection of its citizens, and should certainly be involved in this through the avenues of local and state governments providing police, fire departments, hospitals, and even emergency response organizations, as well as military personnel on a national level. Government, I think, should also help provide resources and opportunities for those who are less fortunate or who are born in poverty or who are the victims of unforeseen disasters or circumstances. This should be close to the heart of all good-natured Americans who want others to have the same opportunity of having life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.

Government, at the same time, should never arbitrarily take away the basic constitutional rights of its citizens. This occurs all the time through Wal-Mart, or similar businesses, coercing local governments to enact Eminent Domain and cease private property in order to build their store and thereby increase that local government’s tax revenue. It should, also, not promise social security benefits to its citizens who work and then steal from its account in order to pay off a war (as it did during the Vietnam era), eventually plaguing future generations who will expect retirement benefits only to be disappointed. The government should not commit its nation to war in a casual manner, but should only do so in a state of self-defense. This contradicts, I know, the now popularly argued, preemptive, just war theory.

There is much more that could be said about these views of government, and my short estimation is massively incomplete, but I guess my larger point is that there is not much that separate us from one another, if we just stop long enough to hear one another’s vantage point, rather than arrogantly labeling someone just because they are not registered under the same political party you are. But, at the end of the day, I am thankful for those on radio talk show with whom I disagree, because they do remind me of the value of freedom, even the freedom of a difference of opinion. I may get nauseous at the absolutist arguments of a loud, overbearing personality, but that is okay, because this is America, and in America it’s okay to be different because we invented the missionary position (see Talladega Nights)!

Saving Christ

(Hebrews 4:15- 5:3; 5:7-9) à “For we do not have a high priest who is unable to sympathize with our weaknesses, but one who in every respect has been tempted as we are, yet without sin. Let us then with confidence draw near to the throne of grace, that we may receive mercy and find grace to help in time of need. For every high priest chosen from among men is appointed to act on behalf of men in relation to God, to offer gifts and sacrifices for sins. He can deal gently with the ignorant and wayward, since he himself is beset with weakness. Because of this he is obligated to offer sacrifice for his own sins just as he does for those of the people.”
“In the days of his flesh, Jesus offered up prayers and supplications, with loud cries and tears, to him who was able to save him from death, and he was heard because of his reverence. Although he was a son, he learned obedience through what he suffered. And being made perfect, he became the source of eternal salvation to all who obey him”

I just read these scriptures again this morning and they are to me one of the most stunning portions of the sacred writings we have. One of the reasons for this is because of the implications of taking this passage at face value as we read it, more specifically as it was designed to be read. Of course, any time one speaks of intentions with regards to what Scripture originally meant, it is very difficult to be taken seriously, because no one absolutely knows because we do not have the original author present with us. This doesn’t mean, however, as NT Wright has said, that it is anyone’s guess as to what they mean, because there are some sign posts (clues, if you will) that guide the way in our journey of interpretation, and it is important that we pay attention to these and not miss the point of these writings.

For example, this passage for many years in my mind has to be explained as something other than what we immediately think that it says. In other words, to take it at face value, the idea is that Jesus when he was on this earth had weakness and that he even struggled with weakness. It also uses terms to indicate that Jesus needed to learn obedience through hard lessons in life (v. 8), i.e. “suffering” and that his maturity or growth as a human being was a process (v. 9), as well. On the other hand, I believe these are the things that are actually being said, and I think this undergirds the entire point of what the writer is saying, which is that Jesus connects with our weaknesses and struggles to sin. I feel as if the modern church has so emphasized the deity of Jesus as to almost negate his humanity. Even when this passage is dealt with in many commentaries, it seems that writers go to great lengths to overstate the obvious, which is that Jesus is God and that this passage is not saying that he sinned, and ultimately I feel like they take away from the beauty of what is trying to be communicated to the average Joe.

As a chaplain at a homeless shelter and trying to help guys in a drug and alcohol recovery program, I often will have gut-wrenching conversations with these guys who are desperately hurting and going through experiences about which I know nothing. This doesn’t mean that I can’t say anything or try to help them, but it does go to show that I cannot connect with everything they are going through. I may at times be tempted to say, “I understand”, but the truth is I really don’t. I suppose I could probably share some experiences with them that they know nothing of, to which they might say, “I understand”, but they don’t. Jesus, however, does understand and does connect with us, because he has journeyed through real life with a real body that had real temptations and real weaknesses. When the woman caught in the very act of adultery in John chapter 8 was brought before him, he looked down and started drawing in the sand, apparently struggling with the temptation to lust after her nudity. When the people called him a demon, or prince of Satan, and tried to murder him, he was undoubtedly tempted to be angry and bitter and perhaps even struggled with hatred towards them. When rich Pharisees had him as a guest at their house, he most likely felt the pressure to covet things or money. When he drank wine or ate food, he was most assuredly tempted to get drunk or to eat too much, and was even falsely accused of those things because of the frequency with which he did them with others.

In addition to the fact of Jesus’ temptations, he was fully human in the realm of needing to learn things. If this is not the case, then the writer surely makes a tremendous gaffe in saying that Jesus “learned obedience”. This means he did not know something and that he subjected himself to ignorance and weakness for the purpose of fully identifying with humanity. I think this is what it means when Scripture indicates he gave up his right to be God (Philippians 2). I think sometimes we imagine that the fully divinity of the universe in power and majesty was caged in an infant’s body and therefore that six pound, two ounce, Baby Jesus knew everything perfectly and fully. If this is the case, then it surely must have been strange for a new-born infant to have spoken to his parents on day one in a “Look’s Who Talking” kind of reality. This is assuming, of course, Jesus did not need to learn to talk. To think of things in a modern way, we might also assume he didn’t need to learn anything from his parents, like to walk or to dispose of his bodily waste in a properly Jewish way. In fact, when Joseph tried to teach him how to use a hammer or build a chair, I suppose Jesus, as perhaps a five year old, would have asserted his deity and said, “I already know how to do this; do you think I am stupid?” Of course Jesus had to learn these things and obedience was fully learned, as well, through going through difficult paths of temptation.

What, to me, is the most comforting thing is that Jesus “offered up prayers and supplications, with loud cries and tears, to him who was able to save him from death, and he was heard because of his reverence.” What this says to me is Jesus needed the Father and was, at times, in anguish and suffering, in his battles with temptation, and that he cried for the Father to rescue him from the temptations to give in to sin. As I think of my own daily, often-times hellish, struggles with sin, I am comforted in knowing that Jesus not only journeyed for me when he was on this earth, but in a sense he is journeying through me now. And I know that he understands and has traveled this way before and is there to give me mercy and deliver grace to help in my time of need. And, once again, Jesus has subjected himself to the struggles of humanity through his people, and once again we struggle along to be saved from our weakness. This, to me, is truly amazing.

Embracing the Mystery of Scripture

It is hard to believe that it has been about ten and a half months since my last blog, although I have still continued to write in my journal periodically during this time. My emotions have run the full gamut during this past year- everything from disappointment to sheer elation. My journey of faith has continued and I wished that I could say my transition from where I have been to now has been really smooth, but the truth is I cannot, because I have witnessed again my own brokenness at work.

During the past year, I have learned much about myself, my family, my friends, and even my enemies, but I honestly in many ways feel that I have unlearned a lot, also. As many have heard the old adage, “the older I get the less I know”, I have rediscovered this firsthand with regards to my own perspective of God and His People and Scriptures. I say it this way, because in my walk of faith, these three things seem to comprise the biggest space and I think there are obvious reasons why.

For example, I have come to question and doubt many things in Scriptures, to which most would be horrified at the mere suggestion of such a thing. I know that ultra-conservatives would want to burn me at the stake for this, but I think the greater point is not what I think, but how I use the Scriptures. What I mean is that I still study and read and ascribe many, if not most, of the Scriptures to God. I know that arguments might be hurled at this point towards me as the end-all polemic to say, “This is a slippery slope you are now on, and you will eventually deny everything good in the Bible, if you just pick and choose.” Well, I just think things are much more complex than that. I have read several books that have actually helped me with my objections to the Bible, and honestly if it were not for these perspectives I don’t know if I would have held on to my faith. The heart of these books has shown me that the Bible is a piece of literature written by men and yet directed by God in many cases. With that having been said, however, our lives are supposed to be directed by God, as well, but often contain shimmers of darkness and poor choices and selfishness, and yet God somehow works through all of it still.

I think, for me, the Scriptures are as sacred as they have ever been, but not in the same sense they were growing up. What it means for me is that the Bible is, as one early Christian writer put it, “alive”. That indicates that God still works through the pages of the biblical canon in a way to reveal Himself to us, to speak to us, to point out darkness in our own life, to remind us of why we are here, to connect us with the community of Christ historically and ultimately to point us to Jesus Christ.

For this point in my journey, the Scriptures still serve a sacred purpose in my life individually, but that purpose is played out more through my connections with others who are not just reading the Scriptures, but interacting with them. Charles Spurgeon, a 19th century British preacher, said that the bible is like a lion. You don’t have to defend it; just let it loose. So many ultra-conservatives have spent their days and energies trying to defend the bible from “liberals” and such as a textbook or a book containing all of the right facts that they have missed the greater point that the bible is a book of the community of Christ pointing the way through their own brokenness back to Christ Himself. The Scriptures need not be defended but loosened in our own community’s life, so that God’s Spirit may work. For me this will always contain much tension and complexity, but I think this mirrors real life and I think this is where God wants His people: embracing the mystery.

Grasping for Grace

Yesterday I talked to our church about the subject of grace. It was a message about the nature and need of grace, and how God gives us grace in order to demonstrate his own goodness in our lives, and how we must receive that grace each day by faith in Jesus Christ. In the middle of all this, I mentioned the biblical example (of what not to do) of Esau. As most of us recall, Esau was the first-born son of Isaac and was to receive the birthright, or the blessing, from his father Isaac. However, in a moment of temptation, he gave into the moment and sold his birthright to his younger brother Jacob. The story goes that “Afterward…(Esau) when he wanted to inherit this blessing, he was rejected. He could bring about no change of mind, though he sought the blessing with tears.” I believe that this was the consequence of Esau missing the grace of God. It is not that Esau was bankrupt of God ever doing any good thing in his life for the remaining years; it is just that that moment was so profoundly negative that it never lost its effect upon not only his life, but those who became his descendants- the Edomites.

In the New Testament book of Hebrews, where this reflection is found, the encouragement is given prior to this: “See to it that no one misses the grace of God and that no bitter root grows up to cause trouble and defile many.” This indicates that one of the things that might cause us to “miss” the grace of God is bitterness. This is one of the most powerful and sinful forces we know. We have all witnessed its destructive powers unleashed on people who have no idea they were even involved. We have certainly seen this in kids who become adults and eventually unleash their fury upon unsuspecting parents. We have seen this in employees who cave into the personal pressures of life and financial woes only to end up taking their anger out on their co-workers and/or boss in a fit of violence. Bitterness is an occasion to store up pockets of anger and hurt and selfishness until we have a more convenient occasion to unleash them. None of us are free from its grasp. We have all known family members who have struggled with this very thing, and we have all probably at one time or another given into its allure.

As I prepared for this message, as any message, I never prepare it with any particular person in mind. I try to be sensitive to where I am personally, and where the group is collectively to whom I am addressing. With this in mind, something happened yesterday after our worship gathering for which I could not have been less prepared. Sometimes people frustrate each of us beyond what is imaginable, and beyond what we feel we can take. In the aftermath of all of this, I began to reflect upon one of the things I had said, “We can never really say, as followers of Jesus Christ, that this is more than I can handle, because it’s not, or else we would not be experiencing it.” I began to feel that my own message was a message that I needed possibly more than anyone else. I found myself beginning to toboggan down the slippery slope of bitterness, and missing the grace of God in my life.

I began to be reminded that people suck, but so do I, and yet God is awesome to love me and them, and wants me to demonstrate his grace in how I react to the hardships and difficulties of life. Please pray for me during this time, as I seek “not to receive the grace of God in vain,”.

Thoughts on Quitting

Yesterday I read a letter of resignation for my position of pastor at Confederate Avenue Baptist Church. It was one of those surreal moments in life where you almost ask yourself is this really happening? My wife Melissa and I made the decision to leave CABC about two weeks ago. We really believe that God has shut the proverbial doors on our efforts in the Grant Park Community and we have decided to go and become a part of the church called the River located in Milton, Florida. We really believe in this decision and think that this is what God wants for our lives, and we are very excited about our becoming a part of this church planting team led by our best friends Sam and Samantha Crum. I want to say all of that to make sure that my other forthcoming thoughts are not misunderstood.

The decision was a difficult one, because we have labored for three years at this one place, and we have become very attached to the people of the church, as well as the community. We are disappointed, too, because our vision for CABC in the Grant Park Community was never fully realized. We have struggled for some time, also, with the idea of quitting. There seems to be a fine line between just quitting for frustation or exhaustion's sake and stopping because it seems as if God is either done with your role or the church's role. This is obviously not very clear-cut, because there are always things going on within even a declining church that may be interpreted to be the workings of God, and those can be "signals" for us to stay, because God could be potentially about to do something great. The problem, of course, in our situation is that good things have happened all along, but the fundamental make up of our church has not really been altered in a tremendous way. Certainly our worship gathering has been modified ostensibly, but what I mean is that the basic limitations of the church that existed when we came are still largely present. I admit that much of this is probably due to the constraints of my own leadership (Author John Maxwell calls this "the law of the lid").

Nevertheless, Melissa and I both do not feel as if we have failed, or if we are quitting on God or the people of CABC. We believe that we have gone as far as we can, albeit not fully where we wanted to go, and we consider God to have used our efforts here to bring people to the kingdom and teach them the way of Jesus. He has, furthermore, extensively and deeply taught us a great deal about people, culture, ministry, and ourselves. Through each of these lessons we have undoubtedly learned more about God, and we have grown in our belief that a life of faith is a journey not a destination. Although these facts are true, the feelings that go with them are real, and leaving is never fun under any circumstances, and these are mild. For those of you who have helped us thus far on our journey we thank you and welcome your prayers and counsel for the next leg.