More Stuff About Divorce

I realize my last piece about divorce is something that left a lot to be desired in terms of the divorce debate. For instance, some would argue against my position, because it did not deal with some of the more basic objections to divorce, such as it being the breach of a vow, or it occurring as a law suit against another believer. There are many others issues with regard to divorce, such as the common one that God, in fact, hates divorce.

In addition to the myriad of objections against any divorce, there is the other side of the spectrum, as well. Other arguments emanate from our world of experiences: like, instances of spousal abuse (either physical or emotional) as well as child abuse. There is also the problem of ministry, and whether a divorced person has permanently severed his qualifications for the pastorate (or eldership) or the deaconate. There are many others. What I would like to do in this blog is bring some of these questions or objections to the forefront and try to answer them as clear and concise as possible. I am sure there are others, but for now I will try to deal with these common questions or problems, as they pertain to the subject of divorce:

1. What about divorce violating the clear command not to break a vow?
Although it is true that getting married involves taking marriage “vows,” it is also true that Jesus’ exception involves the one committing adultery as the one who breaks the vow to be faithful. The covenant at that point can be broken by the victim, as a result of the vow breaker. If breaking the vow was a violation of God’s law, then Jesus would not have allowed for it.

2. What about divorce being an act of taking a believer to court?
Well, let me say that, first of all, I think divorce should be settled out of court, if at all possible (“if it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone.”). I also think, however, if a church is doing its job through church discipline (Mt. 18:15-19), then the spouse (and the church, if necessary) should be making every effort to restore the erring one to fellowship. If repentance is obtained, then the marriage should be salvaged, but if it is not, then steps should be taken to exclude the wayward spouse from the community of Christ, and their subsequent approach to him or her should be to that of an unbeliever (Mt. 18:17), and in that event it would involve a suit between a believer and an unbeliever. If that is the case, then it would not be a violation of 1 Corinthians 6:1-8, which strictly forbids the practice of taking other believers to court.

3. What if the church fails to do its job in responding this way?
This is a very real question these days, because the fact is most churches do not respond in this way, because it is difficult to hold people accountable in this way. Doing the right thing is seldom easy or convenient. To answer the question, though, I do think it is possible to follow the same principle of restoration from the vantage point of the wronged spouse. In other words, having been wronged in the event of adultery, the wronged spouse should seek repentance from their partner, as well as restoration for the damaged relationship. If the offending spouse does not repent, or respond favorably, then the spouse should seek to involve other Christians in the process. The point is that every effort should be made to salvage the marriage if it is possible, and then, as the final draw (not the first) the divorce should be sought.

4. What about the extreme case of spousal abuse, or even child abuse in a marriage?
Let me say that this is an unfortunate occurrence, and does take place even in “Christian” marriages. The first thing I would say about this is that I do not recommend any spouse who is being physically abused to remain living in the same house as their abuser, nor do I recommend any spouse to remain living in a situation where their kids are being physically or sexually abused. He or she should take immediate steps to remove them from the home, at that point. This issue in regards to divorce is a bit more complicated than some of the other ones. If the spouse is abusing anyone physically or sexually, then the knowing spouse obviously needs to “submit himself to the governing authorities” and report the violations to the police and/or state, because the infractions are not just “moral issues;” they are legal issues, as well. The person involving the police in this should also include their church leadership in this process immediately. The church leadership should be especially sensitive with this information, making careful arrangements to investigate the claim, without its content being divulged to the remaining membership. If the case is found or thought to be true, then the church should cautiously, and within the realm of what the law permits, proceed to seek restoration. The important point to remember here is truth. All of the assumptions we are making about this is that it is, in actuality, a true event. If the event cannot be confirmed, however, than the church is wise to take a neutral position with respect to the alleged offender, and try to minister to each party, as appropriate. Assuming, however, that the charges are true, and assuming that the offender is convicted of this, then the spouse (though not alone, and without the counsel and support of the church) should seek to salvage the marriage. If the sinning spouse does not repent and submit to recommended counsel from the leadership of the church, then the church should proceed with the process of exclusion from the membership. If expulsion takes place, then the offending spouse is to be treated as an unbeliever. If the unbeliever, at this point, decides to divorce (as will probably be the case in most instances), then the believing spouse is free to divorce and remarry. In any extreme situation like this, special grace and special discernment is called for to determine that steps are taken to ensure that the abuses do not reoccur.

5. But, doesn’t God hate divorce?
The Scriptures do tell us that God does hate divorce, and we have already talked about how divorce has come about through man’s sin and the Fall. The fact is, though, God himself is said to have divorced Israel for her adultery with other gods. The metaphorical divorce that God is said to have acted out is consistent with his exception clause in Matthew 5 and 19. But what is also expedient for us to know is that God eventually was restored to Israel in remarriage.

6. Should a divorced man be allowed to become a pastor or deacon?
If the man has been divorced for the biblically allowed reasons I have already set forth, then I would say yes, assuming he meets the qualifications of 1 Timothy 3. I do not believe the qualification “husband of one wife” refers to past or present marital status. I think it indicates the high faithfulness to one’s wife that is required of a pastor or deacon, and that is called for in Jesus’ raising of the standard with respect to adultery in one’s heart. The qualifications that have to be discerned by the church are “above reproach” and “have a good reputation with outsiders.” If the divorce was unbiblical, then it might be cause for him not to be above reproach, and it might also be indicative of an impaired reputation with unbelievers.

7. If someone has already divorced unbiblically, what should they do now?
If someone has divorced unbiblically, then they should make every effort to remarry their spouse, and give the relationship back to God. If remarriage has already taken place for either of the spouses, then the one should repent of their divorce, and start living for God in the status that they now find themselves. If they are remarried, then they should give their current marriage to God and make every effort to sanctify it before him. If the person is not remarried, but their previous spouse is, then I believe they can remarry (since adultery is not perpetual in Matthew 5 and 19).

8. Would you perform a wedding of someone who has been divorced?
Yes, if they had divorced within the biblical permissions. If they had not, then it would highly depend on their situation, and if they recognized their former divorce to be wrong, and what steps had been taken since that divorce.