Divorce Really Sucks!

I have known quite a few people in my life (and family) who have been through divorce, or who are going through divorce. From all accounts of those who have given me their personal perspectives on it, it is without a doubt one of the hardest things anyone could possibly go through. From a practical vantage point, of course, there are many bad aspects, such as the division of properties (unless the person truly committed themselves by signing a prenuptial agreement), financial hardship from lawyers, alimony, child support, or just having to raise kids on your own. But there are also the tremendous emotional scars and difficulties that go along with situations like this. The spousal scars themselves are pretty devastating as it is. The pain of having lived with someone for an extended period of time and, in some cases, having even shared the mutual joy of parenting, and the agonizing memories of having to get over whatever attachment was at one time there with that spouse. These, of course, are normal casualties of marriage. They fail to include the more extreme instances in which there was abuse (emotional and/or physical), as well as instances where the kids are highly affected. The kids are always affected, sometimes more than others, depending on their ages and the set of circumstances and the support group surrounding them. I guess what I am trying to say is that divorce really sucks! I know that may offend some of my readers, but there is really no better way to describe what it is in our modern vernacular.

The truth is I am planning to write a paper on divorce and remarriage soon, because it is such an epidemic among our society today, including the church. I do not believe, of course, that divorce was God’s original intention, but I am also not ready to bless everyone who decides to get a divorce these days, like for one’s wife burning the toast (although temporary separation might be advisable). The issue I would like to point out, however, is the failure of the church to help people move on in their lives. The church has spent a lot of resources arguing about whether divorce is allowed (and I will throw my two cents in there with them, soon), but I would contend one of the greatest needs is for us to think through strategies to help people make the most of their lives NOW. None of us can do anything about the past. I was reading an article yesterday about divorce, and the guy very aptly brought up the story of the woman caught in adultery in John chapter 8. He pointed out some similarities between how we treat divorcees and how the Pharisees treated the woman taken in adultery. There was no debate on whether the woman had committed a sin; the issue at hand only concerned how to handle the situation, and where to go from there. The Pharisees, of course, had the really loving idea of killing her. They were also concerned about equal rights for women, because the man with whom she had committed the adultery was not among their mob, even though he was initially there (and, yes, I am using literary sarcasm).

The thing I think is noteworthy in this story is the fact that Jesus and the Pharisees had two different purposes in mind with respect to the woman. The Pharisees wanted to condemn her for what she did; Jesus wanted to save her. The Pharisees wanted to stone her; Jesus wanted to heal her. The Pharisees wanted to ruin her; Jesus wanted to restore her. The fact is that Jesus’ desire was to take a broken life and fix it, no matter what her past had been. Wow, it almost seems like we should be involved in doing stuff like that as His people. I have actually heard people criticizing churches for having divorce recovery classes or support groups for those who are hurting. If we don’t try to help people recover from a devastating loss such as this, why don’t we go to the quarry and grab some pebbles and start heaving them at the divorcee the next time we see them. But, if you take that approach, let me just say that you might want to observe first your own writing in the sand.

So, what is my conclusion? I will spare you my thoughts in regards to whether someone should get a divorce, and simply say that this is a really difficult subject. It is very difficult because we all know someone who is going through this, or maybe we ourselves are going through this. No normal person sets out to have a divorce. From the time of a small child, every one perceives their own story will result in a happy ending, but unfortunately we live in a real world. We experience not only our own sinfulness, but the sinfulness of others. The good news is that Jesus is glorified in our weakness, and will give us grace when we fail and falter and mess up. It doesn’t mean we downplay sin or its painful effects; it doesn’t mean we willfully sin; it doesn’t mean we promote divorce; it just means that it is okay to try to help people who are going through things like divorces, or who are still dealing with the effects of divorce. Divorce really sucks, but the grace of God is really awesome!