Burning Love

My wife posted a status on her Facebook a couple of days ago that is so true to anxiety and frustration that I feel in my heart. She said “You can choose your friends, but you cannot choose your family.” I want to say from the start of this that I love my family deeply and would never “choose” to be removed from them, although at times my frustration towards some of their actions runs extremely deep.

For those of you who do not know what I am talking about, let me just say that a few days ago the news received word that my brother, the pastor of a 14-member, hyper-fundamentalist church in Canton, NC, was going to burn some bibles that were not the King James Version. If this was merely the case, it would have been bad enough, but he wants also to burn music CD’s (some of which I humorously admit is worthy of being burned), but to top it all off he has decided to incinerate books of Christian authors, some as even aberrant as the clearly evil…BILLY GRAHAM. Now, to be fair to my brother these authors are only nominally Christian (just as I am), but are in fact “heretics”, predominately because they do not use the King James Version of the bible. If anyone thinks that I am employing hyperbole in this, they should take a look at my brother’s website and they will find this extreme view to be one of many radical positions being propagated by my brother.

I have for a while tried to ignore my brother, as he has at least tried to steer clear of attacking me, although everyone else seems to be named and called out on his website. In my discovery of this recent venture he has taken up, I decided to contact family the other night and instead of finding common ground I was surprisingly met with something that utterly astounded me: this person in my family was actually defending the radical antics of my brother, positing that “many people actually agree with him”. Well, this may be true in terms of sheer numbers, but I would suspect the vast majority of Christianity find the habits of people like this not only widely suspicious, but also blatantly absurd. In fact the idea of someone in the hills of NC burning bibles smacks of Nazism and Communism. Let me be clear: I am not calling my brother a Nazi or a Communist, but am merely suggesting that habits of this type seem to be similar to attempts of oppressionistic movements of the past to squash attempts of freedom of religion.

Of course, as quickly as I state this, my brother or someone who agrees with him, may cite the obscure Scripture from the Book of Acts on which they are basing this practice. But the problem is that in the passage the only thing that is being burned is book of spells or magical incantations from which the pagan magicians would cast spells. Their decision to follow Christ was so radical that they wanted to make a break with their pagan, demonic, and clearly unscriptural practices and this was the way that they chose to do it. To cite a source like this and say it is justification for burning bibles or even books by Christian authors or even music is a far cry. There were all types of practices in the bible that we no longer adhere to and I would offer that Pastor Marc does not either, such as casting lots to make large decisions or burning cattle as sacrifices or celebrating weddings over the course of a week as opposed to a day. I don’t think these are things we want to recreate, but if we did that would make more sense than using this isolated passage from Acts makes.

I know that for those who still esteem the King James Version of the Bible as the only Word of God, these points will seem to be, in, fact, beside the point. For them, this is the foundation upon which everything else rests. On my brother’s website, for example, you will quickly gather what is the theme on which they stand: the King James Version of the Bible. For most Christians this will seem strange, as Christ seems to be the Rock upon which our faith is based (at least this is what the King James Version of the bible actually suggests). To be fair again, though, this website does include some about Jesus being the rescue for man’s soul, but the main emphasis is clearly on the King James Version of the bible, with a secondary emphasis on rebuking all that is not in agreement with their very rigid doctrinal statement, and then maybe thirdly on a hodge podge of other things. Christ seems to be an afterthought in all of this.

One of the most disturbing things about this though is that there are others in my family that continues to see these trends as wholesome and ultimately beneficial to preaching the gospel. But, is this the trend that Paul spoke out against in many of his writings? Is this the very thing that is actually counterproductive to the gospel? Is this the gospel of circumcision spoken out against in Galatians where Paul was rebuking them for adding things to the gospel of grace? Does this make people in the world who do not know Christ want what these nutty people from the backwoods of NC want, or is this one more thing that secular people will cite as reasons for not trusting Christ? I know that people will always look for excuses why they won’t do what they need to do, but should we give them reasons for not believing? It seems that “the goodness of God leads men to repentance”, not the condemnation of man.

My overall point in writing this is obviously to convey not only frustration, but ultimately sadness. I am sad and disappointed that my family fails to see this and apparently will only continue to go on in their positions of polarizing religion (I don’t even say Christianity because I am ultimately unsure if this is true). I am ultimately brought to much sorrow because this is not the image of Jesus that I grew up loving to hear about and loving to follow and eventually embracing with my life. For that I am thankful, and my prayer at this time is that somewhere in the madness Christ will again resurge amidst the struggle and it will become more about him and less about a 17th century translation of God’s Word. That is it for now.

Fleeing Boredom

We watched a movie the other night called “The Visitor” about an economics professor who is a widower whose life has fallen into a very hopeless rut. His life intersects with this foreign couple who are very creative and musical, but who are also illegal aliens living in our country. I won’ go into all of the specifics of everything, but there is one scene where he is getting to know this woman who is the mother of one of the illegal immigrants and he is having dinner with her. The conversation is going pretty well until it turns to the ominous subject of what he does for a living. He describes his life as very boring. He has been teaching the same course for the past twenty years and he doesn’t really work hard at what he does, but instead keeps himself “busy” with stuff that doesn’t really matter. Because he has been doing this for so long, he doesn’t have to put the same effort he once did in, and he can pretty much do the same task in his sleep.

As I was watching this, I really felt bad for the character, because I saw myself in his shoes, going through the motions, doing busy tasks without any real purpose, being lazy and not really being passionate about what I am doing. I am fearful of this and it brought me to a prayer yesterday morning, where I asked God to rescue me from the futile existence of boredom and meaninglessness. In a day where I consume myself with schedules and to do lists, it is easy to lose passion and focus, and I have to dig deep every day and week, so that I don’t become just another person struggling to find happiness in what I do and what my life is about. Boredom is one of my greatest temptations and has led me astray in the past, and it is overcoming me even as I write th...

(Ecclesiastes 2:22-25) “What has a man from all of the toil and striving of heart with which he toils beneath the sun? For all his days are full of sorrow and his work is a vexation. Even in the night his heart does not rest. This also is vanity. There is nothing better for a person than that he should eat and drink and find enjoyment in his toil. This also, I saw, is from the hand of God, for apart from him who can eat or who can have enjoyment?”

Life with Arms Wide Open

As anyone who might actually be reading this knows, we just had the privilege of seeing our newest child enter the world. For those of us who have experienced this in their own lives, I know that the joy of this moment for us resonates with you in a way that it can’t unless you have been there. There is a feeling that comes from deep within you that cannot be explained in any other terms than “Wow!” It is a crescendo of sheer amazement that something that is a part of you (I mean this in more than just the sheer biology of the event) is now a part of someone else and they are in the world as the result of something beautiful that you and your marriage partner exulted in experiencing.

Of course, not all of this comes out in sentence structures and paragraphs when you are going through it, but I mean to say that all of those realities come to converge in one moment that defies human understanding. As I see Avery Bennett for the first time, there is something about seeing this person I have cried over and prayed over and thought over and worked towards and co-created (as God entrusted Adam to do with Eve not in an absolute sense of “creation ex nihilo”), that makes me want to be a better man (in somewhat of the same sense that Helen Hunt makes Jack Nicholson want to be a better man in “As Good As it Gets”).

In seeing him the past couple of days, I can already imagine (as I have with all of my kids) that there is no life fulfilling outside of their existence. This is not to make an idol of my kids (as I am certain this is possible), but to say that they add a dimension to my life that will forever alter me. As each child has entered our lives, it forever changes the dynamic of our family and I believe that this is at the essence of what community is all about. As God said to Himself (or His selves), “it is not good for man to be alone” and so he created Eve to be a human being that brought companionship to another human being, so it is with humanity that we do find real meaning in the relationships of life, and although I don’t go forward with a naïve expectation of unimpeded bliss, I do believe that Avery will bring me and Melissa and my other children and (hopefully) many others great cause to rejoice. In a few weeks, we will as a community affirm this collective hope for him in baptizing him into the body of Christ and this (as his birth has already) will stand amidst a handful of grand moments that seek to celebrate the gift of life that God has given us in this place called earth.

Wondering What to Do Next

Many times in the course of a week, I wonder if I am on the right track with what I am doing in life. I am someone who questions a lot. I question my family, my friends, my work, my career, my God, my faith, and my self. Specifically, though, my questions are having more to do with my kids these days, because they are growing and developing in ways I cannot fathom, and my love for them is becoming stronger and deeper, and I am falling in love with them all over again in different ways.

So, my questions predominately center around how to lead them in a way that will bring them happiness and bring their world good. This, in short, has to do with parenting and it is really hard, and I admit I do not have many if any answers. In fact, the older I get the more frustrating are those who talk as if they have mastered how to bring up their kids right.

Why this is so vividly fixated in my mind could have something to do with the fact that my realm of responsibility in terms of fatherhood will expand in less than a couple of days when my wife delivers a new boy to our family. I can barely imagine the joy, fear, and anxiety that will surround me during those moments, but I know that on a daily basis I feel the joy, fear, and anxiety of parenting the three kids I already have in the world and it is exhausting.

Yeah, I know most families have these roles and they are just part of life, but most people seem to be really bad at fulfilling these roles for the good of their children, and I am afraid that when the smoke settles and the band goes home that my kids won’t just like me, but they won’t like themselves, or they won’t like each other (as is the case in my and most families I know), or they won’t like the God I have tried to show them, etc. I am fearful of this and I am afraid that the terrible shortcomings I have had as a parent and as a husband will follow my children all of the days of their life (instead of goodness and mercy).

On the eve of what looks to be like one of the greatest moments of my life, I have begun the day meditating on part of a Scripture that tells me to be “sober minded”, and I am trying to anticipate this moment of new life with a clear reflection on where I have been and what I need to be in order to help my family not be consumed with themselves. This is sure to be a great moment in our life, as well as a great challenge, and I hope I am up for it…

A Rant of Hope? Maybe...

Life is often a struggle. This will come as no surprise to anyone who reads this. In fact, if you are reading it, you are certainly struggling yourself in weathering the storm of my words. The reason I begin with this is that life has been exceptionally difficult this week. It seems that much has converged in one grand moment and I am feeling the massive emotions that come with those waves of difficulty.

One such problem occurred this week when a client I was assigned to at my job was scheduled to go to the next phase of the ministry and because of a policy change in the middle of things he went and then was subsequently dismissed from the program…not for something he did, but for something we did as an organization. I was very frustrated when I first learned about this and it tobogganed into an enormous situation in which I went to bat for someone and it proved to be futile and fruitless. This, to me, was tantamount to the way a basketball player would feel if the referee stopped the game in the middle of the fourth quarter and said, “Sorry, guys, we are going to change our rules from 5-fouls-gets-you-out-of-the-game to 4 fouls. So, you three guys who have four fouls, you go ahead and sit out the rest of the game.” This would obviously not happen, because the NCAA (or whoever) would realize that you wait until the season - or at least the game – is over. In other words, these decisions to end this client’s program were the result of a new policy change in the middle of his process of recovery.

To make matters worst, there has been a barrage of people telling me short clichés like, “God is in control,” or “God is on the throne”. Now, don’t misunderstand me. I am not unaware of God’s rightful place in the universe or where he is in terms of having a handle on things. My concern was really how we were acting. My thoughts had to do more with our handling of the details. Certainly God is a redeemer and he can take what is broken and make it right, but to utter this cliché as if it makes things which have been done arguably wrong okay or appropriate is disappointing, to say the least.

For someone to say this would be similar to the mechanic hovered over my broken automobile that obviously needs fixing in some way saying to me, “Friend, don’t worry; God is in control.” Oh, ok, then I’ll just drive it out of here. Oh, wait, I don’t guess saying that really makes anything better. What does that even mean? Of course, to some degree all followers of Christ believe this and there has to be some measure of trust in Him for what we do, and if I didn’t have some hope that He is involved in things then I wouldn’t be able to sleep at night. But, to hurl clichés at people in the midst of frustration is like my throwing my cat a can of cat food along with a can opener. The essence of what I have given him is centrally good for him, but he is unable to get to it and incapable of receiving it in a way that would benefit him. When people are going through frustration it is possible to talk to them in a way that helps them without giving them a contrived, churchy answer that says, “Hey, I get it; you don’t; so, let me help you.”

This has been difficult mostly because I have invested a lot of time, energy, prayers, and effort into this individual, and I have also made promises to him that I (we) have decided not to keep for the sake of what is safe. I feel horrible and I am really pissed off because I long to help these men who are struggling with these areas, but feel my hands tied often because of bureaucratic red tape that seems to be more concerned with preservation of self than preservation of others. I am sure that in this rant there is anger that is unjustified and exaggerated and not well-founded, and I know that the individuals who made these decisions (some if not most at least) are trying to love Christ. But, for now, it seems as if my feelings of frustration will not be pacified and I will just have to believe and hope all things. I love those with whom I work (my peers and clients) and those for whom I work (my “bigs” for those who have seen “Role Models”), but I get really worn out doing this job frequently, because I don’t see things carried out for the best of the individual in the way I perceive things. I understand for those who may read this that my own perspective is skewed and tainted with self, so I am not suggesting that the world begins to all of a sudden see things from my vantage point (what a hellish place that would be). But, I am confessing that I can only see things the way I see things and sometimes my mind deceives me into thinking others are really evil and I am really righteous, and in this situation it is no different.

I do believe God will help me get through this, as well as the one involved, but I am anxious about the way we got to this point and I hope that God will help my attitude in the days ahead, as my words can get in the way of what God wants to do.

An Open Letter to My Son, Avery Bennett Grizzard

Dear Avery Bennett Grizzard,

From the moment we first discovered your upcoming arrival, we were surprised. That surprise soon grew into anticipation and that anticipation soon grew into love and that love – so mysterious and remarkable in that we have never met you and yet so natural as if you have always been with us – soon developed into joy. That joy has fought through some tears of difficulty, as we were never certain of your full arrival, but it is a joy that God has given to us even in the midst of doubt, believing and hoping all things for you.

In hoping all things for you, as your father it is not easy for me to admit to you that I will often times get in the way of what God dreams you to be. In fact, what I want will at points contradict what he wants, but I am still hopeful that His love will not fail you. I am persuaded that neither height nor depth nor life nor death, nor angels, nor things present, nor things to come, nor any other person shall separate you from the love of God that you will find in Jesus the Christ who has given His life for you.

As I write this to you, the weeks are turning into days and the days will soon turn into minutes leading up to the moment of unspeakable joy when you arrive. I know that these are some of the most treasured moments of your and my life, as soon the minutes will turn into days and the days will turn into weeks and the weeks will turn into years, and you will one day be sitting to write words to your new child. But, today let us celebrate your coming as a grand event of God’s creation, because you are truly remarkable and I cannot wait to begin the journey of getting to know you.

Your family, the Grizzard’s, are eagerly awaiting your arrival, also. In fact, your mother is feeling the actual pain of that anticipation as she is taking care of you now. Many nights she has asked me to touch her belly so I could feel your movement. Life will go on at some point and I will not always be this concerned with the details of your being, but I treasure it for now, because God has given me you in this moment of my life.

Your mother has worked hard to make sure everything is ready for your entry into the world, and it has not been easy, but she has persevered with great hope that you will be comfortable in your new home. She has also asked your brother and sisters to be ready to help you their little brother grow and learn. In fact, J.T. early on took his responsibility of being the big brother very seriously, and even lamented that he would be the only one to teach you everything. I laughingly assured him that we would certainly help.

Your sisters Alyssa and Alexis are also very excited about your being here. Alyssa has asked if she can be in the room when you come out, but we are still not sure if this is a good idea, but we love her enthusiasm for your arrival. Alexis often asks a lot of questions about your coming here, even ones we are not yet ready to answer. She is always the curious one and you will enjoy meeting her and will never fail to have something to talk about with her. Alyssa will also be a joy to get to know, because she is always very full of energy and a desire to have fun, sometimes without necessarily thinking through the consequences of that fun. J.T. will also be a delight for you to grow up with, as he has a really witty sense of humor, and will sacrifice much for getting friends to smile.

Avery, I really think you will enjoy your new journey with us, although we (most especially I) have many imperfections and you will soon see these. But, we love you and we are confident that our extended family The River will love you, as well.

As you make final preparations over the next few days to leave mommy, so you can see all of us, remember that we love you now and will always be part of you no matter where you go. Our love for you is only exceeded by our hope that you will come to meet Jesus, as He is the One who is the Song of Creation and he makes all of life worth living. Avery, as your name means “nobility” or “wise counselor”, we are comforted in knowing that your nobility will be tied to your relationship with Jesus the Christ, and your wisdom will come from above, as you learn to submit yourself to Jesus and to those who love you. Now, as we await your birth, we commit you to the One’s feet under whom are all things. And it is with this faith, we long with hope and joy and peace to know you as God’s gift of creation to us. As he gives to us, we now give back to Him you and begin the steps of this new adventure of yours called life. See you soon!

Your Father,

Jason Timothy Grizzard

An Excerpt from Doug Pagitt

There is a great excerpt from Doug Pagitt’s new book, A Christianity Worth Believing, on Emergent Village’s website. It is a simple and yet profound article filled with New Creation jargon that will be familiar with many who are Emerging, but it really accentuates the significance of the story of Jesus as God’s way to clean up the mess of the world through us, His Body/Community. Enjoy! The excerpt is below:

"Living in Partnership with Our Creator"

(By Doug Pagitt an exclusive excerpt from the bookA Christianity Worth Believing(now available in paperback): )

The story of Jesus unfolds in the midst of personal and collective struggle. The story of Jesus is surrounded by the death of individuals and communities, by the constant stirring of war. For the Jews in particular, the first century was a volatile, violent time. The Jews were literally fighting to save their culture and their faith. The Old Testament rumbles with the cry of the Jewish people: "How long, oh Lord?" Their desperation is palpable.

But Jesus was about a different kind of revolution. He was about a revolution from the kingdom of Caesar to the kingdom of God.

Some theologians have dissected all of this by talking about spiritual kingdoms and wars verses earthly kingdoms and wars. They argue that Jesus did bring about a kind of war in which the power of good battles the power of evil and that Christians are to be warriors who fight against the darkness that oppresses us, knowing that one day Jesus will ride out of the sky and defeat the enemy at last. I suppose that's one way of thinking about all of this, but I think there's more to Jesus than a change of metaphor. It seems to me that the way of Jesus is not just to shift the war motif from one kind of war to another but to see Jesus as the ender of war, period. Jesus brought with him the hope that the people would no longer see themselves in the midst of a war but would join with God in the healing of all the world.

Jesus was the new Isaiah who had come to usher in that promise in a particular way. Jesus wasn't bringing some kind of future-based spiritual good news to the poor. He was inviting them into life with God in the present. Jesus healed literal blindness, not just spiritual blindness. His proclamation of the year of the Lord's favor conjured up all the hopes of those who wanted the apocalyptic retribution to come, but the Lord's favor came not through war but through a holy act that conquered death forever.

It seems to me that this is what rescue ought to look like. It doesn't look like more war; it looks like the end of war. The very elements of battle — the boots and blood- stained clothes — become a source of life, of hope.

Jesus was not sent as the selected one to appease the anger of the Greek blood god. Jesus was sent to fulfill the promise of the Hebrew love God by ending human hostility. It was not the anger of God that Jesus came to end but the anger of people.

The story of Jesus Christ, of Joshua the Messiah, is about the healing all of creation. This was God's promise from the start — that people would be God's partners in the world. When Jesus was resurrected from the dead, life won out. The power of God's love for humanity proved stronger than our capacity to hate one another. Jesus' death was about war, about violence, about destruction. But his resurrection was about peace, compassion, renewal. The resurrection is the full picture of God's promise.

The Christian faith finds its center in the story of Jesus not because this is where the problem of God's anger is solved. Jesus is the core of Christianity because it is through Jesus that we see the fullness of God's hopes for the world. Jesus is the redemption of the creation plan. He shows us what it means to live in partnership with our creator. He leads us into what it means to be integrated with God.

Resurrection is not a do-over. We don't move on as though nothing ever happened. Jesus was resurrected with scars. The scars weren't simply a reminder of the past; they were the pathway to the future. They were there because the cause of death had been consumed. The hatred of death had been healed over by the love of God. The resurrection wasn't like a last-minute save by the divine goalkeeper. The scars gave testimony to the power of death. Death gave Jesus its best shot; it laid it all on the line and accomplished it goal. But life overcame death. Love overcame hate. Peace overcame war. The resurrection life needs death to remind us that the call to love our enemy not only means loving in the midst of scars but loving those who cause them. Because, in Jesus, love wins.

(Abridged from A Christianity Worth Believing, chapter 16: "So you want a revolution?" Copyright 2008 by Doug Pagitt, published by Jossey-Bass. Photo by Jack Thielepape. )